I love so much that you got to the place where you don't need to feel cool. I want this for everyone.
I moved around a lot as a kid. We never stayed in a single home for more than three years, so I was constantly the new kid. In middle school, I reasoned with myself: that's why I'm not popular. Of course I don't stand a chance what with always being the weird new kid. Then I saw a new girl come in the middle of the year. She was pretty and sweet and was in with the popular crowd within the week. That's when I understood, some people are just cool, they have that thing no matter the circumstance, and I'm not one of them. But I did learn to be okay with it pretty early, because I liked me. And I didn't want to give my power over to others which is how it seems to go unless you're the Queen Bee.
I feel this. I felt like I was too aware of social hierarchies in school (from K-12) bc some of the kids I spoke with didn’t notice it or were less bothered. My biggest transformation with trying to fit in with the cool kids occurred in HS and also stopped there. After graduation, I just hated who I was and cut off my HS friendships. I was “protected” by being in a group but I wish I spent that time cultivating more genuine friendships.
Boy did you really hit the mark with this latest blog. I have been thinking about it off and on since I first read it. My tho’s haven’t fully gelled yet, but I wanted you to know how powerful your writing is. Having been the child in elementary school that was teased by others, and never in the cool group in HS, this note hits my heart for every child that was bullied, teased, or left out. One thing I noticed when looking back to that time is, what is "cool" in HS doesn't necessarily translate to a happy life. Happy comes from within. Well said, because it truly is about loving yourself. My not caring what other's tho't of me took until my 60s. Even in my 40s and 50s I was trying to wear the right clothes, say the right things, etc., to appeal to others. Good that you're not wasting any more time trying to appeal to others. One of my current personal messages I tell myself is "What other people think about me, is none of my business." 😉
I think I got lucky in a way. I was fairly blissfully unaware of these hierarchies until I was in secondary school. I always had a weirdo or two in my classes that I would be friends with. Looking back, I was definitely the weird kid, but at the time I didn’t know.
In early middle school my friends basically had an intervention and helped me conform to a standard of “cool.” (Grunge/skater/social reject cool, still not popular kid cool) It sounds harsh, but was done with the kindest of intentions and probably kept me from being bullied. And it also provided me a group to be a part of, even if most of them never heard me speak. Luckily I got to create my mask as something much closer to what I actually was. But I almost never shared any personal opinions unless I already knew they were the general consensus of the group.
I love so much that you got to the place where you don't need to feel cool. I want this for everyone.
I moved around a lot as a kid. We never stayed in a single home for more than three years, so I was constantly the new kid. In middle school, I reasoned with myself: that's why I'm not popular. Of course I don't stand a chance what with always being the weird new kid. Then I saw a new girl come in the middle of the year. She was pretty and sweet and was in with the popular crowd within the week. That's when I understood, some people are just cool, they have that thing no matter the circumstance, and I'm not one of them. But I did learn to be okay with it pretty early, because I liked me. And I didn't want to give my power over to others which is how it seems to go unless you're the Queen Bee.
I feel this. I felt like I was too aware of social hierarchies in school (from K-12) bc some of the kids I spoke with didn’t notice it or were less bothered. My biggest transformation with trying to fit in with the cool kids occurred in HS and also stopped there. After graduation, I just hated who I was and cut off my HS friendships. I was “protected” by being in a group but I wish I spent that time cultivating more genuine friendships.
Boy did you really hit the mark with this latest blog. I have been thinking about it off and on since I first read it. My tho’s haven’t fully gelled yet, but I wanted you to know how powerful your writing is. Having been the child in elementary school that was teased by others, and never in the cool group in HS, this note hits my heart for every child that was bullied, teased, or left out. One thing I noticed when looking back to that time is, what is "cool" in HS doesn't necessarily translate to a happy life. Happy comes from within. Well said, because it truly is about loving yourself. My not caring what other's tho't of me took until my 60s. Even in my 40s and 50s I was trying to wear the right clothes, say the right things, etc., to appeal to others. Good that you're not wasting any more time trying to appeal to others. One of my current personal messages I tell myself is "What other people think about me, is none of my business." 😉
I think I got lucky in a way. I was fairly blissfully unaware of these hierarchies until I was in secondary school. I always had a weirdo or two in my classes that I would be friends with. Looking back, I was definitely the weird kid, but at the time I didn’t know.
In early middle school my friends basically had an intervention and helped me conform to a standard of “cool.” (Grunge/skater/social reject cool, still not popular kid cool) It sounds harsh, but was done with the kindest of intentions and probably kept me from being bullied. And it also provided me a group to be a part of, even if most of them never heard me speak. Luckily I got to create my mask as something much closer to what I actually was. But I almost never shared any personal opinions unless I already knew they were the general consensus of the group.