Can One Be *Really* Perfectly Happy and Healed?
Honest updates on family estrangement, my hysterectomy, ketamine therapy + more.
This month, a portion of proceeds from this newsletter will be donated to The Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund.
Dear friends,
If you are a person who talks about something a lot on social media, you become known as the “[blank] person.”
For a long while I was “dating comics girl.” After that I became “endometriosis person.” And for a good while after that I was: “Woman who is confronting childhood trauma, uprooting her life, and just barely hanging onto her mental health by a thread.”
I had some very public breakdowns, and now that the dust has cleared, it’s hard not to look back and be like, “Yikes, the FUCK was I thinking?” At least about some of it.
I was very open about my struggles, particularly about the details of my childhood trauma, and there’s a large part of me that deeply regrets some of what I shared. I opened the door to letting any old Franny, Dick, and Sally give their opinion on my story of abuse. And boy did they ever.
If you want to feel truly sickened, talk about your deeply personal trauma publicly and watch the judgemental creeps pour in to tell you that you are wrong and a ‘brat’ for taking issue with the way you were treated as a child.
Because I am *finally* getting to a better place, there’s a part of me that wants to advertise how far I’ve come since my downfall. There’s a part of me that wants to move forward posting only happy, smiley photos of myself and declare, “Look at me! I’ve healed!”
And I mean, things have been pretty happy and I’ve even been posting about it. That said, I don’t want my social persona to become “girl who has healed completely and is now super happy.”
Wanna know why? Because I am still quite deeply fucked up :)
In fact, I spent the better part of the last two weeks dealing with a brutal bout of depression. The type of depression that eats at my motivation and faith in myself and makes it hard to do fucking anything.
I don’t say this for pity, I just say to be real. If you are on a long and strenuous healing journey and things are finally starting to feel better, please don’t beat yourself up if things don’t move in a straight line.
Even when you look your demons in the eye and chase them out of the room, you might still find yourself sitting in the wreckage of it all for a good while.
That’s where I am now.
So today, dear friends, I’m going to give you an *HONEST* update on some of the more drastic things I did these past few years in the name of healing.
So buckle up and get in, because I will be sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly of a few particular aspects of my *~*healing journey*~* (Dear lord, why can’t I say that phrase in earnest?)
What I’ll be getting into today:
Cutting a number of friendships that weren’t serving me.
Getting a hysterectomy.
Going no contact with my family.
Putting it all out there on the internet.
Ketamine Therapy
Oh and TW, there are a few mentions of suicidal urges + ideations.
1. Thing I did: Cut friendships that weren’t serving me
How it’s going: