Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible IG Story Post: Weird Matthew Perry Internet Drama
I've had some time to process and believe I've finally gotten to the heart of what disturbed me about the Matthew Perry drama so much.
Question that prompted this post:
I am honestly so confused. I don’t understand the drama!!! Why is what you said about MP so offensive to so many people??? I get that many it wasn’t the most respectful, but you don’t owe anyone respect… especially a stranger. Maybe I’d get it if you were like at his funeral and said that, but even then it hardly warrants the weird attack. “Matthew Perry said I was pretty once lol” “YOU OLD UGLY BITCH!!” I just feel like it’s more about silencing you completely than anything else. Love your art and your unhinged stories. So many people are inauthentic and just present this beige existence. Keep doing you!
A few days ago, at the end of a very long and mundane daily progression of instagram stories, I re-posted an announcement about Matthew Perry’s death, saying I always saw him as a tragic figure, and then made the quip: “Plus he told me I was pretty on Raya once so this feels like a personal loss.”
I want to start by saying that I definitely wrote that FOR the people who follow me regularly and had absolutely no intention of it ever going viral the way it did. My little community of Instagram followers–some of whom have been with me for almost a decade–know how much I love to make fun of the days when I was a clout-chasing little Raya ho’ in my 20s.
I sometimes forget that there are people who follow me purely to find an opportunity to grab something I wrote and then re-post it with a toxically skewed take on its context in corners the the internet that feel like the digital manifestation of a deep inner circle of hell:
To me partaking in these digital bullying groups –that consist of mostly women might I add— isn't dissimilar to trudging knee deep in a pool of manure and then grabbing whatever chunk of it you can fit in your hand and hurling it upwards at the sky. These manure hurlers believe they are achieving something great, but they are only getting hyped off the smell of each other’s shit. The rest of us (or at least the rest of us who I personally find worthy of respect) regard them with the wonder and pity of a wild animal that deserves to roam free but is slowly losing its will to live in its little plexiglass cage.
A lot of the people who came for me thought they were coming for the low self worth-having version of myself I was when I entertained that message from the MP himself so many years ago. I think this is why the insults being hurled at me were so base (everything from "ugly white bitch with chapped lips" to "old ass bitch who needs to shut up and get a life") In those days hearing things like that would have taken me out, but lately I've done enough work to know how to emotionally persevere through shit like that.
I worry about younger creators who haven't developed the coping skills to deal with the mental health hell onslaught that is inherent to being a popular professional social media creator.
When someone throws a nasty insult at me--as people have been doing incessantly for the past two days in a row--I no longer take it personally but instead regard it with fascination, and as y'all know -- a bit of anger too. It gives me such a good window into who they are, and I believe that if you really want to know who you are, find out who hates you:
Does no one hate you? Maybe that’s not necessarily a good thing and means you’re living your life too much for others.
Do a group of misogynistic bullies who go after women living more authentically than them hate you? Maybe that’s a good thing, lol.
But then again, It seems like people are quick to mock not only the "bland beige billboard"-type creators, but also the ones who attempt to walk forth with some semblance of authenticity. It's a losing person's battle and attempting to play is crazy-making.
While my account was under the siege of bullies, I received a few different flavors of burnt roast and I’d like to unpack them one by one. I’ll first address the one that has come up the most so far which is that I am a narcissistic opportunist who is using his death for attention and clout. I’m going to get into this one and then save the rest of the reasons for part 2 tomorrow. If you don’t want to miss it when it comes out, SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE, and see you there!
“You are a nobody using him for clout.”
This take is interesting to me. I mentioned my interaction with him because I’ve been trying to be more authentic about what my weird-ass life has looked like up until now (which you’ll learn if you take the time to read some of my past entries). I'm not sure how else to say "I didn't post that to get the attention I did" other than to just say "I didn't post that to get the attention I did" and hope you fucking have faith in my personal character.
I know for a fact that the people who have been with me for a long time and support my unmasking believe me when I say that. But the shit hurlers? Those motherfuckers will bleed me try poking ridiculous holes in every sound, reasonable piece of logic I bring them. It's not worth my time, and that's starting to sink in on a deep level.
And one more point to that end - even if my intention were to exploit his death for personal gain (which also- how is anyone posting about his death not being exploitative? The performative empathy that happens when a celeb dies has always been.... interesting to me.)
Would my exploitation be any worse than when he went after a 19-year old as a 51-year old man?
Not trying to be inflammatory with that question, BTW. I believe it's a valid point and the logic of "it's too soon after his death" will not work on me. He didn't care that it was "too soon" to attempt to probably emotionally destroy someone who two years prior, was legally considered a child.