Answering Your *Juiciest* Dating Questions
Dating apps, BFD, opening lines...It's *all* in here.
Every time I get DMed for dating advice, I feel an impulse to include a disclaimer that states: “This is what worked for me, and I am in no way a dating expert.”
In fact, the term “dating expert” makes me recoil a bit.
It’s not just because I find people audacious enough to label themselves such are usually spewing absolute garbage, but also because can one really be an expert at such a thing?
Sure, there are some principals we should all follow like: put your full self out there, and don’t waste your time and energy on someone who can’t meet your needs. But that sort of advice should be touted for all relationships, not just romantic. I didn’t get what I wanted out of dating until I learned the art of basic self respect which consequently led me to culling all of the bad connections from my life.
This isn’t the case for everyone who struggles: many single people have beautiful and fulfilling bonds in the non-romantic arenas of their life. These people tend to know their value and take an ‘it’ll happen when it happens approach.’
For most of my life I was not one of these people. I was deeply co-dependent, anxious and would berate myself for being single. It wasn’t just dating I struggled with - I had a general self worth issue which resulted in unhealthy bonds with family, friends, work colleagues and bosses alike.
Back in those days, dating frustrated the shit out of me and rather than do the kind of work that was necessary to truly fix things, my approach was more along the lines of lambasting myself for wanting too much from men and then doing everything in my power to dilute and shrink myself down so that maybe I would finally be chosen.
I didn’t understand why the men I wanted so badly would entertain me for a while but ultimately never choose me back. They’d start off strong, but eventually it’d all go to hell. Getting a drop of anything felt like squeezing the last bits from a honey bottle - a small burst, a bunch of empty puffs, and maybe one teensy drop to follow.
These days, I’ve found myself in the kind of relationship that used to completely elude me: BFD and I are genuinely kind and loving to each other, and I have no fears about effusively letting him know how much I admire him on a daily basis. He returns my affection every time and equally takes the initiative to let his appreciation towards me be known.
A few weeks ago, on a charming cobble-y Seattle street, he slid his hand into mine and squeezed it as if to non-verbally affirm hey, I love you. I felt a jolt of glee pulse through my body and looked up at him in appreciation and said:
“You’re so fucking emotionally available.”
He beamed and replied: “Thank you for noticing.”
“I mean, how could I not? I spent the past few decades of my life fawning over emotionally unavailable men.”
So today dear friends, I am answering your dating questions, not as a haughty ‘dating expert’ but as a formerly deeply fucked up person who is doing her best and sharing what worked for me.
The Questions
What is the best dating app strategy?
What does having high standards look like?
How to stand out on dating apps?
How should I fill out my profile?
Good dating profile message openers? (***I included my standard formula for this in here.)
How do you know if someone is low effort or just go-with-the-flow?
Should I go on dates with people who seem great but I’m not super physically attracted to?
And I’ll also be answering a few personal ones!
What app did I meet BFD on?
What did you look for precisely on the apps? How quick did you guys meet?