5 Things That Make Me Feel More Put Together
The low-ish effort routines and principles I've been living by
After a significant breakup in my late twenties, I went through a phase of “I’m going to be hot” at all costs. I kept up with spray tans, eyelash extensions, gel manicures, constant hair appointments, to the point where I’d look in the mirror and feel slightly disconnected from what I saw.
Then, in my thirties, when my body started giving me a hard time because of endometriosis, I swung in the opposite direction. I stopped caring. I let my hair do whatever it wanted, never painted my nails, lived in sweats.
I was depressed, exhausted, dealing with chronic pain, and just trying to get through the day without having a meltdown, which, if I’m being honest, didn’t usually work. At that point, the idea of being “put together” felt almost absurd. I had bigger problems.
At the same time, I’ve always struggled to find the line between self-care and grooming rituals that genuinely makes me feel good and the kind of upkeep that starts to feel like a performance (and makes me deeply resent the patriarchial beauty standrds that feel like they are embedded in my bones at this point).
At almost 40 years of age, I think I’m finally arriving at a version of balance that feels more like me. A place where I can take care of myself in a way that feels intentional and move through the world feeling polished and confident. (I also think that balance looks different for everyone, and some people find it faster than others.)
I’m not claiming any groundbreaking revelations here, but these are some of the habits and principles that have made a meaningful difference.
1. A happy medium for my nails
I went bare-nailed for years because I’m objectively bad at painting my own nails, and I never want to get them done. But I’ve noticed that when my nails look even slightly polished, I feel significantly more put together.
My workaround has been something called nail concealer. It’s not quite nail polish, but it looks more refined than bare nails and is almost impossible to mess up. And when it starts to chip, you can’t really tell unless you are looking very closely. I have this mini set which is nice because I can rotate through colors, but also who has ever used an entire full-sized bottle of nail polish anyway?
2. I buy fewer, but much higher quality clothing.
As I get older, I’m realizing I’d rather own a few well-made pieces that actually hold up than a closet full of fast fashion that deteriorates with every wear.
I’ve been buying less, but choosing more intentionally, investing in things that feel good on my body and last beyond a season. I’m paying closer attention to fabrics too, because price doesn’t guarantee quality. I’m trying to be more discerning overall, building a closet I genuinely love, one that’s meant to last.
3. If you love your skincare, you’ll actually use it
A while back, I was sent a PR box with a face wash and toner that were way nicer and more expensive than anything I had ever used. When I started using them, I was like DAMN I get it. The products are so satisfying to use on a sensory level that washing my face has become something I genuinely look forward to. Now I buy this and this with my own money (a bottle is pretty big and lasts like 6 months, so it actually doesn’t feel that pricey when I think of it that way.)
4. Befriending my hair
My hair is naturally wavy in some places, straight or curly in others, depending on the day. It also tends to get frizzy and a little unruly.
I used to resent how hard it felt to manage, but I’ve been learning how to work with it instead.
Earlier this year, a hairstylist showed me a few small adjustments that have made a noticeable difference. I stopped using conditioner in the shower and instead add a small amount of a leave-in mask after air drying, which has made my hair much more manageable than I expected.
Taking a few minutes to blow dry the front pieces in the morning has also been worth it. It adds more polish than I expected!
The magic of a chic handbag
I was recently gifted a Vivrelle membership, and as someone who has never really been into designer bags, I usually defaulted to a beat-up tote I got for free, I was surprised by how much I enjoy it.
I picked this bag for my first month, and I’ve noticed how much of a difference it makes. There’s something about using a well made piece, the feel, the structure, the way it feels to reach into, that’s unexpectedly satisfying. I’m not sure I can go back to beat-up totes.
If you’re also not really a handbag person but kind of curious what the whole experience is, they gave me a code for a free month (code: VIOLETCLAIR). If you do try it, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Those are a few things that have been helping me feel more put together lately. If you have anything you swear by, I’d love to hear!
xoVC
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