39 Things I've Learned by 39

Part 1!

May 21, 2025

Dear friend,

I’m writing this from my desk by the window, where I can see the trees and the farm stretch out in every direction. Yesterday, from this same window, I watched a groundhog walk by with its babies trailing behind it in a perfect little line. Living like this: on a farm, in the forest, surrounded by animals, herb beds, and so much green all around me, feels exactly how I’m meant to live.

I’m turning 39 this weekend, and while my life looks nothing like the version I once imagined (or the version we’re subtly and not so subtly told a 39-year-old woman should be living), it’s finally starting to feel like it’s *really* mine. And that, I’ve learned, is more important than anything else.

So this week, I thought I’d share part one of 39 Things I’ve Learned Before Turning 39. As I put this list together, I kept thinking about how much my beliefs have shifted over time. The me from ten years ago wouldn’t even begin to understand some of this. And honestly, I hope the me ten years from now reads this list and smiles at how much I still had to learn. That’s the magic of getting older, right?

You’ll be happy about 50% of the time…At best.
I think it’s toxic how so many believe that happiness should be our default state, and that if we’re not constantly feeling good, we must be doing something wrong. One of the most liberating realizations I’ve had is that no matter how “good” your life looks or how positive you are as a person, you’re probably only going to feel truly happy around half the time. And if you tell me it’s more than that? I’m going to assume you’re either lying to me….Or lying to yourself. Some people find that idea depressing, but I find it comforting. When I’m in a low moment, I remind myself: this is just the other 50%. It’s normal. Happiness will come again.
The scales always balance.
Get good knives and keep them sharp.
A sharp knife makes me want to eat healthier because it makes chopping vegetables fun. It’s also a teensy way to bring more ease into daily life.
Bring headphones everywhere.
I have about 15 pairs of headphones, earplugs, and noise defenders because I want to be protected from overstimulation in every possible context. They’re my security blanket and can make the difference between having my whole day ruined and feeling okay. I don’t care if I look antisocial walking through the supermarket in my gigantic headphones. I care about staying regulated!
Making friends isn’t dissimilar to dating.
Building friendships takes effort, chemistry, and vulnerability. You have to put yourself out there, follow up, and not take it personally if someone is not your person. I used to surround myself with BS filler connections because I didn’t want to be alone, but the older I get, the more I value actual, meaningful connections. And just like with dating, I am pretty damn choosy about who gets my energy.
Interior decor matters
When my surroundings look good, I feel good. I work better. I breathe easier. It’s something I’ll always invest in, no matter where I live.
Walking outside every day will do wonders for your mental health.
When I moved back to New York, I knew I’d need to protect my well-being with the ferocity of a Roman gladiator. One of my strategies was to commit to 10k steps a day for a month just to see how it felt. The month has passed, and honestly, I don’t think I can ever return to my sedentary lifestyle. Walking has made a HUGE difference in how I feel day-to-day, and I’m certain it’s a massive factor in why I’ve been feeling so good lately.
Pull a card every morning.
I love oracle and tarot cards and genuinely believe the messages they send me. Sometimes a will card hits so hard it’s spooky.
Jealousy is a compass.
I used to feel ashamed of my jealousy, or worse, unable to admit that’s what I was feeling (hello ego!). These days, I aim to acknowledge and listen to it. It’s one of the most accurate tools for understanding what I really want, not just what I am lying to myself about wanting.
Natural fibers are better
The feel of natural fibers soothes and grounds me. I’d rather have one quality piece made from natural fibers than 10 pieces of polyester fast fashion. They breathe, age well, and don’t make my pores feel like they’re suffocating. This applies to my home, too. Things like high-quality linen sheets, a cotton dishtowel, and a good wool quilt make all the difference.
Make art for the hell of it.
I LOVE creating for an audience, and when there’s a paycheck involved, it really is *pinch me* level shit. THAT SAID, I try not to forget the immense joy in dumping out a bunch of art supplies and going nuts with zero concern for how it will be received on social media.
Pets > fancy furniture.
I used to think I wasn’t a pet person because I liked my rugs and furniture too much. Then I got pets and realized I actually like them more. I’ll take clumps of fur and a few stains if it means I get to hang out with a sweet creature who loves me unconditionally. I can always replace a couch, but I can’t replace the feeling of a tiny buddy following me from room to room.
Men and women can be friends.
I used to be one of those people who thought this wasn’t possible. But now I cringe at the immaturity of that version of myself. This isn’t to say there aren’t circumstances where it’s inappropriate, because obviously, there are. But there are also plenty of times when it’s mutual, respectful, and wonderful. My male friendships have brought so much joy and perspective into my life.
The best skincare is produce and prescription creams.
I’m not saying there isn’t a place for schmancy skincare, because there totally is. But I achieve my ultimate glow when I’m eating lots of vegetables, drinking water, and consistently using my dermatologist-prescribed tretinoin and azelaic acid.
Never be afraid of running out of dating options as you get older.
The idea that women lose value with age is straight-up propaganda. It’s designed to make us feel desperate and small. But the truth is, the more I’ve grown into myself, the better my options have become. Men who buy into that mindset and won’t date women their age are the trash taking itself out.
You can start over as many times as you need to.
There is no better way to honor your intuition than to reroute towards a path you can feel your soul saying “fuck yes” to. Only you know what you need.
Filter your environment
I’ve become a bit of a filter obsessive. I’m hypersensitive to how water tastes and feels on my skin, so I have a shower filter, bath filter, sink filter, and drinking water filter. I also have an air filter, obviously. I also do my best to filter the energy I let into my life. If a filter were invented for that, I’d be first in line to buy it!
Everything is working out for my highest good.
This belief has gotten me through some of the hardest and most uncertain times in my life. Even when things feel messy or heartbreaking, I try to zoom out and remind myself that something better might be unfolding, something I can’t see yet.
My presence is a privilege, and that privilege can be revoked.
It’s taken me a long time to believe this, but it’s true. If I’m in any relationship with someone who doesn’t see and/or respect me, I have no problem stepping away. Access to me is earned, not assumed.
Handle your wire situation.
Seeing messy, tangled cords makes me feel like a messy, tangled person. Organizing, hiding, and taming the chaos is SO satisfying.
Believing in the woo woo makes life more magical
When I lean into my woo woo spiritual side, life feels more intentional and enchanted. I love oracle cards, astrology, manifestation, ritual. Give me all of it. There’s something powerful about treating the everyday as sacred. It brings a sense of connection, meaning, and magic to the smallest moments. And lately, I’ve needed that more than ever.
I hope you enjoyed this! Did anything in particular resonate? Would love to hear your thoughts.

xoVC