39 Things I Learned by 39

Part 2!

Dear friend,

I turned 39 over the weekend, and I spent the day driving to IKEA with a friend to pick up a piece of furniture I’ve been wanting for ages. If that sounds like a depressing way to spend a birthday, you might be right. But honestly, it was exactly what I wanted.

Birthdays have a way of spotlighting who’s in your life (and who isn’t), while nudging you to reflect on where you thought you’d be by now. I’ve only been back in New York for two months, and I’m still very much in the process of laying the foundation for what’s next. I’ve been taking such good care of myself lately: sticking to my goals, showing up for my routines, staying away from weed (!!!), and I’m proud of that. On a gut level, this move feels right. But at the same time, so much of my life still feels unsettled.

That’s not to say that spending my birthday taking a mini road trip with a good friend wasn’t a delightful day, because it absolutely was. We stopped for good food, ate the cake she baked me, and by the end of it, I realized I’m pretty damn okay with this transient but lovely place my life is in right now. I’m appreciating the moment while still striving for more.

It feels good to know I’m walking this path carrying a lot of hard-earned wisdom from these past 39 years. Last week I shared part one of 39 Things I’ve Learned by 39, and today I’m back with part two.

Sooo... let’s get into it.

1. My okayness with being alone is directly proportionate to the way I talk to myself.
   When you’re alone, it’s just you and the voice in your head. And if that voice is a gossipy little shit-talker who bullies you all day, OF COURSE you’re not going to enjoy your own company. But if that voice is kind, encouraging, and even kind of funny…Well then, that’s someone you’d actually want to hang out with.
   

2. A non-stick pan is superior for making eggs
   I try to avoid nonstick surfaces, but have admitted defeat when it comes to eggs, which are my all-time favorite breakfast food. I love a soft scramble, and a nonstick pan does it perfectly everytime.
   

3. Feel the fear and do it anyway
   I’ve learned that the more I fear doing something, the more crucial it is that I do it. Some of the most important, life-shifting decisions I’ve made happened while I was scared shitless. Also, shoutout to this book.
   

4. Saturdays are for the farmer’s market and meal prepping.
   I’ve been making weekly runs to the farmer’s market for over a decade now. Eating fresh, local (and ideally organic) veggies really does make a difference in how I feel in my day-to-day. When I carve out time to shop, prep, and organize my meals, I feel unstoppable. It gives me that intoxicating I-have-my-shit-together energy.
   

5. You don’t need to explain yourself.
   Sometimes your decisions won’t make sense to other people, and that is A-OK! You’re allowed to change, want something different, walk away, or do what you feel called to do without having to justify every step. Anyone who presses you too hard for an explanation they aren’t owed is waving a giant red flag. In the immortal words of Billy Joel: “I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life. Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone.”
   

   

6. Mental health should always be the #1 priority.
   I had a few years where my mental health really slipped, and the pain of being in that spot is something I’ll never forget for the rest of my life. Now that I’m on the other side, I’m doing everything in my power to never let myself get there again. If something costs me my peace, it’s too damn expensive.
   

7. You are never too old for the things that give you joy.
   Case in point: I used to feel self-conscious about my love of fairy lights was kind of childish (errr….teenager-ish?) But I also cannot deny that the soft, cozy glow they bring to a space make me feel damn good on a deep sensory level. That shit lights me up, literally, and therefore, it stays in my life. Joy is reason enough
   

8. Don’t forget to stretch.
   Especially your neck, hips, and back. Especially when you think you don’t have time. Especially if you’re someone who lives in your head.
   

9. Sometimes what feels like a deep connection is just someone mirroring you.
   When you’re grounded in who you are, people who are still figuring themselves out will be drawn to that. They might pick up your interests or reflect your energy. The moment the mask slips can be very confusing and painful. If something seems off, trust your damn gut. Sidenote: If anyone follows The Wizard Liz, what just went down between her and her partner seems like a prime example of this.
   

10. Wear sunscreen. Actually, wear all of it.
    Wear sunscreen, a sunhat, good sunglasses, and a shirt that covers your shoulders. I don’t do well in the heat (overstimulation city) and have zero shame about being the lady with the hat and umbrella.
    

    

11. Nature very much heals.
    There’s something about squeezing a soft, green patch of moss that instantly calms my whole nervous system. Maybe for you, it’s leaning against a tree, or standing barefoot in the grass for a few minutes. Whatever your version is, seek it out and make it a part of your routine as much as you can.
    

12. A good bath at the end of a long day is such an underrated form of therapy.
    The second I sink into a tub of warm water, my whole body exhales. Because of that, I’ve turned bathtime into one of my favorite little rituals: galaxy light, candle, epsom salt, and lots of bubbles.
    

13. Walk the hell away from inconsistent people.
    People worth your time will show up. If someone is hot and cold, breadcrumbing, or always leaving you guessing, it’s time to ask yourself why you keep sticking around for it.
    

14. My opinion is just as valid as yours.
    You can try to bulldoze me or make me feel like I’m a bad person, but at the end of the day, we’re just coming from different perspectives. We’ve got two competing ideologies, and the moral compass is completely subjective. Of course, there are times when someone really is more informed, but I’ve found those people don’t usually need to shout to be heard.
    

15. Unhealed people project their misery onto others.
    Once you realize that, it becomes so much easier to not take things personally.
    

16. Tapping is amazing.
    I found Tap with Brad’s videos a few years ago and they’ve become such an invaluable tool for when life feels overwhelming or my shitty internal voices are speaking up. I don’t even understand how it works, but I know that it does.
    

17. Your problems will not magically go away if you ignore them.
    That weird pain in your shoulder? That friend who makes you feel like crap every time you hang out? It’s on you to deal with it. And yeah, it sucks, but it’s also kind of powerful because you get to decide when enough is enough. Even if you can’t make a problem go away completely, there’s something really grounding about knowing you’re actively working on it.
    

    

18. Limit your social media scrolling.
    There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re brain has been mush-ified from too much scrolling. The more I get caught in the social media abyss, the harder it is to hear my own voice.
    

19. The way someone treats you matters more than whether you’re related to them.
    Nothing makes me cringe harder than hearing, “It’s okay, they’re my family,” after someone’s clearly been mistreated. Keeping people in your life out of guilt or obligation (especially when they treat you like shit) is one of the fastest ways to stay stuck. You’re allowed to want better. You’re allowed to walk away.
    

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    Thanks for being here, I appreciate you so much!
    

    xoVC